Picture by me, from a dog walk the other day
Do you ever just sit down and allow yourself to think about everything you have achieved? Well as I have mere days left before my final university deadline I have been doing exactly that. When I look in the mirror now I see a mature twenty one year old who has left a lot of her insecurities behind. Don't get me wrong, if someone handed me a baby or a house to run tomorrow I wouldn't have a clue what to do.
I suppose it is only natural, I have just finished three years of a university degree and am now twenty one, but even so I feel very proud of what I have achieved emotionally.
When my parents dropped me off at Staffordshire University three years ago I told my mum I don't know how she could leave me here she must be a horrible mother. At that time I was scared, terrified in fact. The University accomodation team had messed up my application and the two people I had met that I was to live with didn't speak very good English. But I am so glad my mum didn't get my dad to turn the car around when they got to the roundabout because, although never easy, my three years at university have been worth it.
Looking back I do think I was not mature enough to go to university. I may have been academically ready, but emotionally and in terms of my knowledge of the world, I was very naive and immature.
First year was okay for me, I lived with amazing people but most of them were third years who graduated that summer (booo).
Second year was hell, I hated who I lived with, I learned to hate my degree and became very disillusioned with even getting a university degree which was reflected in my grades. The only good thing about second year was I met my amazing boyfriend whose blog is thefostereffect (follow him he is a much better writer than me) who pushed me to get through second year and constantly made me laugh.
Summer between second and third year was just as bad, my hormones were messed up, I quit my job and basically had no interest in finishing my degree and just wanted to run away with my dog and eat all the chocolate in the world (don't go on the pill people, it ruins peoples lives).
I wasn't until about October/November of third year where I thought 'fudge' this, I may have had a terrible university experience but I have to make it count. Then my appendix burst ... oh cruel world. After being on anti-biotics until new years eve which zapped me of all life, I feel I matured the most. I learned to monitor my health because if it wasn't for my boyfriend who dragged me to hospital I could have died, I decided to play catch up with my dissertation and really challenge myself, I started feeling confident about myself, I realized that not every one is nice, and, most importantly, you have to fight for what you want.
Now I sit here in my childhood bedroom on the verge of so much change, but I am not the scared eighteen year old my parents left in Stoke three years ago. I am excited for all that is to come. My parents want to move out of this town, I want to work all summer and see my boyfriend as much as I can and then hopefully go on to do my masters.
For me the biggest and most welcome change in my life is my confidence, I had none growing up. I was bullied (I will make a post about this very soon) and I let the bullies win. But now, if someone doesn't like me, their loss I'm awesome.
I guess the meaning of this post was for me to say no matter what life throws you, as long as you come out stronger the other side and recognize that, you may find you will be better for it.
Sorry for the super personal post today, I have had thinking time for the first time in ages and it was refreshing for me to see that I actually have alot of confidence haha!
Hope all of you 107 followers are having an awesome day! Have you ever sat there and go a little too deep in your thoughts? Would you like a post about bullying? (I am more than willing to do one).
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